Touch My Toes - I am horribly inflexible. Stretching is like the flossing of exercise– you know you're supposed to but you don't. And you get away with it until one day you wake up with 9 cavities and you can’t tie your shoes. By the end of ‘06, I resolve to be able to touch my toes... OK, I’ll settle for my knees.
Make a Citizen’s Arrest - I’m tired of watching people bend the law in daily life with no repercussions so I am bringing back the citizen’s arrest. Next time I see someone littering, I’ll say “Stop right there!” They’ll reply, “Who the %*$^ are you?” and, with my chest proudly puffed out, I’ll announce “I am a citizen... and you’re under citizen’s arrest.”
Learn to File - My apartment has zero organization-- I have passwords written on napkins, my bills are in a Coors light box– so I’m afraid to throw anything out. My friend came over and was like, “Is this bag garbage?” “No, those are my taxes!”
Go Back to School - You can never have too much education. But I plan to go all the way back to 3rd grade so I can dominate. I’ll win all the spelling B's and crush everyone at kick ball. Sure, I'll still suck at finger painting but I'll get an "A" cause I'll also be dating the teacher.
Categorically Deny Something - I’m not even sure what that means but it sounds so powerful. Only my life doesn’t contain many high stakes situations so it may sound a little dramatic. “Somerville, are you hungry?” “I categorically deny that!” “Whoa, OK, you’re not hungry... calm down.”